We often find ourselves jumping at the opportunity to tell someone who has done us wrong how we feel about what it is that they did. Usually when this occurs, we can feel the adrenaline coursing through our veins. Our hearts beat faster. Our eyes feel as though they are bulging out of our heads. We’re angry at the individual because of how they made us feel and what they did to us. However, as natural as those feelings are, before we can properly address or confront that individual in a more productive and positive manner, we must first deal with the height of those emotions.
We often see our judgements can sometimes get the best of us. Then, after our judgements have been disproved, then we need to deal with shame or regret following whatever it is we allowed our negative emotions to say or do. This can have a range of consequences if we don’t keep our emotions in check, starting from something that is barely recognized by the individual who has done us wrong all the way to the possibility of criminal charges. An unchecked emotion can turn our lives upside down in an instant. Keeping those negative emotions in check means that you must begin at the root cause of those negative emotions: judgements.
In today’s world, everybody has learned that they can voice their opinions, often without an immediate consequence. This is especially true in today’s world where people can voice their opinions, whether positive or negative online without that immediate feedback. Yet, what should be considered first, before voicing one’s opinion is what is the result that you are looking for. Simply saying a judgment with no positive intention to change a behavior is merely a reflection of the self, and not necessarily the individual the judgement is reflected towards. However, if we can change our judgements to include a positive change one should consider, it looks a lot different.
Option 1: “That shirt is hideous.”
Option 2: “This other shirt would look better with those pants.”
Between the two options, the first is an attack on the individual’s choice, and is merely a reflection on the individual giving the judgment. The latter option, although still an opinion, provides an alternative that isn’t attacking the individual’s choice. The former is said with emotions, while the latter reserves emotions.
When we consider the amount of feedback we give to other individuals, whether positive or negative, feedback said through emotions will never try to improve a situation but only points out something the individual is judging about. However, feedback said without emotions attempts to improve the situation or issue that the individual is looking at.