What do we do when we are subjected to our involvement in cases where we do not want to be involved? How do we disagree with someone when that disagreement can possibly ruin a healthy relationship? Situations like these we face all the time, and how we lovingly detached from those situations can determine the outcome of that relationship. It is easy in cases where the relationship may be unhealthy or without a strong emotional attachment to simply say “no thanks”. However, the situations grow much more difficult in cases where that situation involves a spouse. A child. A grandchild. A close friend. Or even…ourselves.
Being in a relationship with someone, whether you have chosen that relationship or were born into that relationship, does not necessarily mean you need to agree 100% of the time. In fact, it is impossible for individuals to agree 100% of the time. For those individuals who would argue that they agree 100% of the time with another individual then they are submitting too much of their own selves. Each individual is losing something more than they are gaining. A person’s life is not meant to be lived exactly as another individual, because life experience is meant to be shared with others and taught the lessons learned.
Thoreau famously said, “It takes two to speak the truth: one to speak, and another to hear.” This quote serves as a foundation for any good conversation.
One must tell their own personal truths, how they see the situation, and without any blame or judgement to the individual they are speaking to. In this, we can speak in a conversation respectfully, honoring the individual’s feeling we are speaking to. We must tell our truths with the intention of not disrespecting that relationship of the individual we are speaking to.
And one must listen to another person’s truth and control our emotions and the need to become defensive. Many times, individuals listen to defend their own personal reputations or ideologies. Taking what the conversation is saying personally, when the intention of the conversation is anything but personal. When we become defensive, we become angry. We become self-conscious. Our egos become enmeshed with the conversation, and the conversation changes intention to something abstract to something personal. We forget to Spiritually detach from the conversation.
We must remember that the mental selves are our character. It is our personality. Who we show to others. When we forget to spiritually detach, it is the Mental Self that is responsible. It convinces the Spiritual Self that we should be angry at the direction of the conversation. It convinces the Spiritual Self that we are being attached. That we are being made to look like fools. That we are being bullied. And so, we grow hot with anger. We become shaken with anxiety. We become ashamed of who we are and become depressed. We forgot to Spiritually detach from the conversation and not take the conversation personally.