We have all come across individuals who have done us wrong. Perhaps they took advantage of you or did something to intentionally harm you. However, does this mean we should remain perpetually angry at them? Does this mean we should be allowed to become spiteful towards them? Does it even mean we need to continue having a relationship with this individual? The answer is no, no, and no.
When we forgive another individual, it merely means that we are no longer carrying that baggage that individual put upon us through the wrongs that they have done. We refuse to allow it to consume our every through. It means that we have done the work to get through the anger that they have caused us, and we decide to simply walk away from it than to continuously engage in it. We all know that feeling when we stew in anger from something that was done to us. We allow ourselves to become marinated in the anger, almost to the point where it can even change who we are as an individual. One significant episode of distrust can even provoke continuous distrust in other people who have played no part in where the anger originated from. When we forgive a person, it means that we refuse to allow that person to affect the perception of the other people around us. We forgive, and in return, we protect the healthy relationships we would have not seen should have we remain in that anger.
However, just because we have forgiven that person does not mean we need to trust that person. Trust is something that is earned overtime, and the more time spent earning trust, the more trust becomes fortified. The more fortified that trust is, the more it can withstand situations which can occur that the trust becomes threatened. Every relationship, at some point, has trust tested. Sometimes that test is passed with flying colors. Sometimes that test we fail, but it is how we fail which really matters. Do we try to come up with excuses? Or do we try to understand where we went wrong, and accept responsibility for what we did? Ultimately, this is what will determine the severity of the crack in the trust that we have done.
There come times, however, when we can forgive another person, but we don’t trust them to the point where we are unable to continue a relationship with that individual. We merely say to them, “I cannot have you in my life because I cannot trust you, although I forgive you and refuse to carry the baggage of your behavior which has cause me not to trust you.” When this occurs, we are merely creating boundaries for those who wish to be in our lives. We in essence tell them: “my standards are here, and your behavior has caused you to not meet those standards. Therefore, I will not lower myself to your poor choices.”